The Complex Landscape of Father’s Day

Honoring the Good, Healing from the Bad...

Every June, Father’s Day arrives with a flood of ready-made cards, cheerful commercials, and a glossy image of a perfect family. But in our household, and for many of you reading this, the day isn’t a simple, Hallmark holiday. It’s a complex, emotional tapestry. To be honest, I have never written a message about Father's Day before—it has always felt a bit too complex to put into words.

My husband and I look at this day through vastly different lenses.  I haven't seen my father since I was five years old, only to find out a few years ago that he passed away—leaving a lifetime of unanswered questions in his wake. My uncle came into my life in my late teens, and loved me like his own daughter. He was deeply caring and wise. He didn't have to step into the role of father, but chose to pour out love, protection, and wisdom. The fact that he chose to love me as his daughter is such a profound gift. Sadly, he died several years ago. Obviously, Fatherhood is defined by the heart, not just bloodlines. He was clearly one of the good ones.

My husband’s story began with a quiet absence; his biological father chose to walk away before he was even born, turning his back on a vulnerable young mother. Yet, my husband was also profoundly blessed. His adoptive father stepped into that void, showing him exactly what a good, loving, and caring protector looked like before he passed away sixteen years ago.

Because my husband and I have lived on both sides of this story, we know that fatherhood isn't a single, universal experience. The traditional, "one-size-fits-all" picture of fatherhood—the happy Hallmark card, the biological dad who is always there—is only one small part of a much bigger, more complex reality. To truly honor this day, we must look at the whole picture—acknowledging the deep wounds left by those who failed their children, while fiercely celebrating the men who chose to step up and rewrite the narrative.

The Fathers Who Left...

It takes immense courage to walk through a day centered on fatherhood when your own story is marked by a void. For some of us, a father is just a distant, fading memory. Decades of silence can pass, only to bring the quiet grief of learning he is gone, and realizing the gap will never be closed. It is the mourning of what should have been, a unique ache that sits quietly in the background of the celebrations.

For others, the sting started before life even began—the profound disregard of a biological parent who turned his back and chose indifference over a child’s heartbeat. That kind of rejection leaves a heavy question of "Why wasn't I enough?" and "Why didn't you want me?" leaving profound feelings of rejection that can take a lifetime to untangle. If Father’s Day brings up grief, anger, or a hollow numbness for you, know this: your feelings are entirely valid. You are allowed to sit out the celebrations. You are allowed to mourn the father you deserved but never got.

Thankfully, bloodlines do not get the final say in what defines a dad...

True fatherhood is a daily, intentional choice, and some of the greatest blessings come from the men who didn't have to stay, but chose to. We see this beautifully illustrated in the step-fathers who marry into a family and willingly take on their wife’s children. Instead of standing on the sidelines, they accept, welcome, love, and care for those children as if they were their own blood. My husband loves and prays for my four children as if they were his own. I believe to be chosen by a step-dad in this way is a profound blessing, and these men deserve the highest honor for the safety and belonging they build.

The Pain of Absence Cuts Both Ways...

There is another deeply painful side to this day that is too often left in the shadows: the loving fathers who have been forcefully separated from their children through the bitter fallout of divorce and the cruelty of parental alienation.

There are men who desperately want to be in their children's lives, yet have had doors intentionally shut against them. Mothers, driven by resentment, can cruelly keep children away from a father who loves them, creating a false narrative and causing untold, lingering anguish for both dad and child.

To the fathers carrying this heavy, silent burden today: if you are navigating an empty chair and a broken relationship you didn't choose, I hope you find a measure of comfort and peace today. Hold onto hope. Perhaps, as time passes and truth prevails, your children will realize you were never the ogre you were made out to be, but a father who never stopped loving them from afar.

A Legacy Worth Carrying Forward...

A good father can rewrite the generational script. He provides steady guidance and wisdom for his children through shared stories and lived experiences. Often, these remarkable men are anchored by a deep faith in God. They don't just point the way; they walk it, encouraging their children to follow in the paths of wisdom, integrity, and faith. Even when these incredible men leave us we carry their legacy with us forever.

My Hope For You...

If you are celebrating a magnificent dad, a devoted step-father, or honoring a beautiful memory today, hold that gratitude tightly. It is a rare and precious gift. But if today feels heavy, if your heart is navigating the sharp edges of a long-gone memory or an empty chair, please be gentle with yourself. Father’s Day belongs to the whole story: the pain of the missing, the joy of the present, and the enduring legacy of the men who chose to love us well. As my husband and I reflect on the fathers we’ve known, the ones who were absent, and the ones who changed our lives, we are reminded that love is always a choice. You can survive the closed doors of your past, and you can be completely transformed by the open arms of a father who chose you. If you are a father, love your children well and leave a legacy they will honor. Whatever your memories, I pray God will give you peace. Blessings, Beloved of God